A Move, A Break or A Decision

The title makes little sense, neither did my head when I finally decided to leave the country I have called home since October 2004, yep 13 years.

13 years of joy, sadness, hurt, immense moments of happiness, fun, near-death experiences, sickness, health, evil and good, and fucking great, absolutely dreadful, but fantastic too. Beauty and ugliness, rich and poor, intense colour, and black and white. Sometimes, sadly, just black. Not meaning the dark-skinned smiling faces, no. The darkness of depression.

The country I probably love as much as I do my own has certainly made me who I am today, and I must acknowledge that. People who holiday there, those who spend extended holidays there, and even those who pop in and out for work or what have you, will not (I will happily put down bets on this when richer) have experienced what I have, or ever will.

That in itself does not bother me. Everybody is different. I made things difficult for myself mostly. BUT, no regrets. What bothers me is a multitude of numerous things (HA! How many can I fit in she wonders… a multitude of infinite things perhaps…). But, relax not now. Later, maybe.

People inadvertently want things to work out at the beginning. Nobody likes telling their friends and family a job did not work out, they were fired maybe or decided it was not for them. Their relationship broke up, they cheated on their husband or wife or they have a regret about something else big. Whatever, nobody is 100% perfect, people fuck up – fact.

Well, my stuff just was not working out. I needed to leave. I fought this feeling for over a few years to the detriment of my health (mental AND physical). I am now in Holland and doing great. I miss many things. I really do but no lists here, not now.

This article is about transition. So no photos of curries, people, animals and sunsets that I miss, no sentimentality, no moaning, no nothing.

Also no blurb about the benefits and pitfalls of Holland, no photos of cheese, people, animals and sunsets, no sentimentality, no moaning, no nothing.

Just an article to say – hey this is what I just did. It’s not so difficult to make a big step. I am going back soon, but not like before. Because I learnt my lessons the hard way.

So, I am in Haarlem (NL) for now – more to follow on that!

 

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5 thoughts on “A Move, A Break or A Decision”

  1. Wow, Ankie. Thank you. I have been reading your blogs for years now, and always looked forward to the next one. I can relate to so much of what you say, as a female foreigner who has seen more than the incredibly beautiful surface of that complex country, too. I know how it captures you though, despite its faults. Reading this new blog, my heart breaks for you, having to leave it. But sometimes you have to be where you have to be. I hope the transition back to life in the Netherlands goes smoothly, and wish you all the best. Xx

    1. Thank you. A very sweet reply. Much appreciated. It has been easier than expected – I guess I let things get too inexcusable there. Another story, for another blog post. When I am ready. 🙂

  2. Hi Ankie, your first blog I’m reading.. (why did I not come across this before?) Thanks for sharing. Makes me feel like we just had a tea together and talked about all that. It also touches me because I’m hesitating about leaving Tahiti. After 13 years (I arrived in November 2004,funny, ey?)
    Well, here take some big hugs and a lot of happyness and colour to get you through winter in Europe 😉

    1. You are leaving too? It is a huge decision but I have no regrets so far. Plus I already know I am going back in February for a holiday. I arrived in Sri Lanka in October 2004!! Thanks for the lovely message. Big hugs to you too. ❤ ❤

  3. Hi Ankie,

    I am taking a chance this will reach you. I am sad that you are leaving Sri Lanka, but relieved for you also. I love your writing and have enjoyed it so much over the years. I do regret not meeting you, but I thought you were here to stay, and I would bump into you one day. I live in Midigama. I just wanted to wish you all the best, and please keep writing. I will be so interested in your transition.

    Yours Sincerely, Caroline Vardy >

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